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Boundaries in Dating
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| Boundaries in Dating |
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Product Description |
| Boundaries in Dating provides a way to think, solve problems, and enjoy the benefits of dating in the fullest way, including increasing the ability to find and commit to a marriage partner. |
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 Bringing God into your dating relationships |
| Review Date: July 15, 2001 |
| Reviewer: , |
| "Boundaries in Dating" is a guide toward dating intentionally, intended for those who wish to have some spiritual guidance in their dating relationships. It helps to answer in part questions that should be a part of any dating relationship: where is God in all of this, and what role does God play in our dating relationship? How do I reflect God's values in my approach toward dating? In Part 1, the authors recommend the approach of "taking God on a date" with you. They encourage requiring and embodying truth in dating relationships, guard against repeating the past, and remind that "dating won't cure a lonely heart," for that role belongs to God. (Additional spiritual reading, such as Henri J. M. Nouwen's "The Inner Voice of Love," support the theme of addressing needs and loneliness from a spiritual perspective as a foundation to addressing them from a relational perspective.) Part 2 examines character discernment of one's dating partner, and Part 3 examines self-reflection, particularly the issues of clinging to false hope (when a dating partner's actions don't support stated intentions) and the role of blame. Part 3 is particularly valuable in assigning responsibilities to roles in the dating relationship, sorting out what's your responsibility and what responsibility lies with your dating partner. Chapter 17, "Set Appropriate Physical Limits," is the best discussion I've ever read on the long-term, destructive effect of premarital sex on our emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being. Far more than being merely prohibitive, it examines deeply the importance of delaying self-gratification. It provides a refreshingly thought-provoking and countercultural reminder that God's ways are not the ways of the culture in which we live, and what a challenge it is to integrate these two ways of life, should one choose to do so. "Boundaries in dating is about becoming a truthful, caring, responsible, and free person who also encourages growth in those she is in contact with," the authors write. "Your dating life should be a powerful change agent for you." Countering the common assumption that dating is limited to "finding the right one," Cloud and Townsend take the spiritual approach that dating and relating is just as much about "learning about your own issues, how they affect others, and what to do about them." That dating should bring us closer to God seems to be the authors' ultimate goal in writing this book. |
Good consul for the rest of us.
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| Review Date: February 25, 2006 |
| Reviewer: Erik Olson, Ridgefield, WA United States |
Many Christian authors insist that courting or betrothal systems are God's way for us to avoid pain and find a "soul mate." These methods are often based on a dubious patchwork of Bible verses or an adaptation of Old Testament cultural norms. We can learn from the past, but duplicating it is not the answer. For those Christians who live in 21st century culture and deal with age-old relational issues, "Boundaries in Dating" is a practical resource.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend wrote "Boundaries in Dating" in part to rebut the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris. While they applaud Mr. Harris' intention to help people forsake sin and find a good spouse, they are skeptical of his anti-dating conclusions. The authors claim that character, and not a method, is the real key to finding a quality partner. If you have good character, then any matchmaking methodology will work. However, if you have relational problems or are a bad person, then no method will overcome these handicaps. Indeed, one who is deficient in character but skilled in manipulation may corrupt a method for his or her advantage. I've seen too many peers who jumped through all the typical Christian pre-wedding hoops, only to wind up divorced or in troubled marriages.
The authors acknowledge that most folks have hang-ups that make romance difficult. And unfortunately, there are wolves in sheep's clothing that must be avoided. Therefore, boundaries are a necessary part of a healthy dating relationship. "Boundaries in Dating" describes where boundaries are needed, ways to set them, and how to enforce the consequences when they are violated. Some complain that boundaries are a way to control other people. However, the authors view them as tools that reveal good character or uncover impure motives. Boundaries define areas of sensitivity and conviction, and whether or not they are respected tells a lot about a person. For example, if a gal lovingly acknowledges a guy's physical affection boundary, then she is demonstrating virtue by her respect for him. However, if a man continues to demean his girlfriend in public despite her protests, his disrespect shows that he has internal problems. Of course, good character does not equate to perfection. A boundary violator who repents and demonstrates growth is still a good bet, while a chronic boundary-crasher should be let go.
Like many people, I was raised in a dysfunctional setting. I didn't even become a Christian until I was seventeen. When I reached adulthood, I crashed and burned when dating other flawed people. Courting did not fix my internal problems or prevent them from manifesting, and involving the woman's parents in the process didn't shield me from getting hurt by her hang-ups. So I'm not impressed when obsolete marriage practices are defined as the only God-sanctioned way to gain a spouse. As one who is currently dating, holier-than-thou hedges just don't do it for me. Instead, I desire prayer and wise counsel to help me glorify God within my cultural mode of relationship. Good friends, wise mentors, and books like "Boundaries in Dating" help fill that need. |
Fresh Perspective on Christian Dating--a MUST READ!
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| Review Date: March 8, 2000 |
| Reviewer: , |
| Full of wisdom and insight, this is one of the best books ever written about dating from a Christian perspective! This book has helped me identify unhealthy issues in my own dating patterns and areas in my life that I need to work on...and has given me courage and affirmation to date healthy, safe and balanced individuals. I'm sure that you will find it to be a source of education and encouragement as well. The topic of setting boundaries is a bit conceptual however, with a thorough understanding of its importance, you will be well equip to apply the truths outlined in the book to your own personal situations. A strength of the book lies in the practical examples the authors share to clarify each of the key principals and to help you apply them in your life. (I'd suggest reading the first book, "Boundaries" for a more indepth overview). |
Insightful and practical
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| Review Date: August 4, 2000 |
| Reviewer: Michelle Vetter, Alpharetta, NC United States |
| For those of you who have been skeptical of the courtship movement, this book not only analyzes the problems with some of ideas generated on Christian dating recently, but gives a practical, non-formulaic solution to dating and all manner of relationships. Written by two Christian counselors with doctorates and many years of experience counseling Christians on issues of dating and marriage, Boundries sets out a clear, biblical foundation for romantic relationships. This book is aimed at singles, but Cloud and Townsend have written "Boundries in Marriage" as well. The workbook to "Boundries in Dating" is also especially helpful. |
A Must-Have for Building Better Dating Relationships
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| Review Date: October 21, 2000 |
| Reviewer: , |
| This is the first time that a book was so helpful I wanted to write a review. The book is written with a Christian focus, but the relationship issues that are identified are universal. My dating relationship had recently ended and reading this book was essential for the healing of my broken heart. I was able to see how my lack of boundaries contributed to our problems. I was also able to identify character deficits in my ex and understand that it was better to be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to identify the recurring patterns in their relationships and take ownership for their role in these patterns so that they can have more satisfying relationships inthe future. |
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